I did not read Fifty Shades of Grey and it's doubtful that I will. I know millions of women are raving about it, but I don't like the fact that the books are the author's actual sexual fantasies. I saw that woman on TV and I did not like the mental images I was left with. My sexual fantasy world definitely does not include vampires or mysterious men that control me. In fact, the erotica I'm drawn to isn't really considered "erotica" because it's much dirtier and less complex. I'm uncomfortable with too much plot and not enough sex. Everyone likes different things of course, and I know that I fall firmly on the "raunch" side of sex.
Changing the subject, I want to talk about the word "sexy". It's such a subjective word that I think it's a joke when magazines like Redbook, write pieces like," Style tips for dressing sexy at any age."
What does that even mean? I looked at the slideshow, prepared to get schooled in how to "use-it-or-lose-it" and I got nothing. Sexy dressing for whom? For other women? For an elderly person? It's possible that some of the tips might make some woman somewhere feel sexier, but most of it screamed "Mom Clothes!" to me. Yes, I am a mom, but in my personal lexicon, "Mom Clothes" are not clothes that I own, wear, or will ever wear. Mom Clothes are sex repellents. They include khaki pants, animal print flats, large underwear, cotton crew neck t-shirts in pastel colors (unless they are very very tight and you are hot), yoga pants worn by women who have never done yoga in their lives, Lee Rider jeans - period, bold prints of any kind, Crocs, knee-length shorts (shorts just suck), holiday themed clothes or jewelry, lots of stuff from Wal-Mart, and Chanel-type boxy tweed suits. I don't give a flying F if Chanel suits cost $12,000, they are absolutely not sexy. There is too much to list. I am filled with anxiety about how much non-sexiness is sold in stores. I get bored of all the ugly and the schlumpy. Stop it!
Everyone that reads this blog knows that I have serious self-esteem issues but one thing I have always stood by is that I would rather be sexy than pretty. You don't have to be pretty to be sexy. Throughout history, people have been seduced by unattractive people who possessed enormous sex appeal. I want that kind of power. When a woman is cheated on, 99% of the time she needs to know what the "Other Woman" looked like. If the Other Woman is super hot, than somehow, it's just a bit easier to swallow. You never want to be the person that was cheated on with the ugly girl. I know it sounds sick but if I was cheated on with say, Blake Liveley, I would weirdly understand. And yes, I have been cheated on and no, the woman did not look like Blake Liveley. I have tortured myself for a couple years wondering why anyone would cheat on me with the woman in question, but that's useless, and it's not what this blog is about.
To me, sexy is as much how you feel as how you look. There are times you just feel sexy and you may not realize it, but it's at those times you exude confidence, say things that are a little more risky, flirt a little more, act a bit more adventurous. I'm betting some of those times are tied to drinking but that's only because alcohol removes inhibitions. Most women have a whole lot of inhibitions. I just don't see the point. Life is really short and people are going to think what they want about me whether or not I'm flirtatious.
I asked some trusted male friends what they find sexy in a woman and almost none of it had to do with clothing. One likes the smirk a woman gets when she's being naughty. Another likes the way a woman's hair smells when he hugs her. Another finds a woman unconsciously licking her lips unbearably sexy. Yet another is turned on by a woman who looks him in the eyes and is very direct.
So I started thinking about what men in my life have told me they find sexy about me. It's interesting to me that the things they liked are things that a lot of us don't really think about. My husband thinks it's sexy when I put lotion on my legs after a shower. An old boyfriend thought I smelled really sexy. He said he would daydream at work about the way my perfume smelled and how leaving that smell on his jacket comforted him (awww). Another thought my eyes were sexy, and the way I laughed.
I have a theory that women who are curvy are often considered more sexy than those that are not. I could be totally wrong but I have done a lot of informal surveying of my male friends and they say that thinner model-type girls are "pretty" or "hot" but when asked about a curvier girl they almost always say she's sexy. To me, having curves implies womanliness and womanliness implies wisdom and those things combined are powerful and yeah, sexy.
I'm interested in how you define sexy. What makes you feel that way and what do you think is sexy in someone else?
To me, sexy means having been around the block in a good way. A sexy girl knows how to kiss, knows what she wants, knows how she wants to be touched and isn't shy when it comes to intimacy. She smells great, makes an effort with her style, is intelligent, interesting, funny, and isn't afraid. It definitely doesn't involve khaki capri pants or Costco. :)
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